Scratch my face off.

I have eczema on my face and it’s been ultra irritate recently. I’ve never been able to figure out why it pops up or rather why it flares up. A dermatologist that I saw when I was a teenager said that the kind of eczema I get is directly related to stress but you know what?

I don’t feel stressed.

I mean, I feel a little stressed about shopping for insurance because apparently I have to get approved to join into a plan outside of the enrollment period so I am waiting on that. I’m not sure how long that takes.

That’s about it.

Well, no, that’s not true. I’m also stressed about a friend.

My eczema has been flared up for weeks now and it just seems to get getting worse. I used a tea tree mask yesterday hoping that it would neutralize my skin and it seemed to work a little bit but then ended up getting super itchy.

Anyways, that’s gross.

The Blazers lost last night by 2 points. It wasn’t a great game by any means. The Blazers were down most of the game but went on a 19-5 run in the 4th quarter and tried their hardest to pull out the W.

Didn’t work though.

I think that the next game is Tuesday. We will see how it goes.

Of course, I fell off the keto wagon. Just like every weekend. I just don’t know why I think every weekend that it’s not going to happen and then BAM, it happens.

So, here we go again…..

Tomorrow is Monday and the start of a new week.

A fresh start.

I have to work at 5:30 in the morning tomorrow and I’m actually upset with myself for agreeing to do it. That means that I have to get up at 3:30am which is just stupid. I should probably be sleeping right now because of how early I have to wake up.

What’s even more dumb, is that I agreed to do it 3 days next week. What a damn weirdo.

I’ve read two books this weekend so far and I started the third. I could probably make a big dent in it before I fall asleep but I decided to watch a few shows on the DVR.

I am still not talking to my mother. She still has not stopped smoking cigarettes and as long as she is smoking, I am not talking to her. I’m just not going to do it. I can’t sit around and pretend that everything is ok when she literally had a fucking stroke from smoking cigarettes. She already had to have MAJOR surgery.

And, she still wants to smoke.

I don’t even fucking care what people say about smoking being so hard to quit because there are ways to get it done. There are tools out there for people to use to quit this deadly habit.

I was a smoker and used a medication to quit. I’m not ashamed to say that. I needed help. There is no way that I could’ve done it on my own. I had tried and tried. Went to e-cigs and vaping. It all didn’t work.

She could do it if she wanted to do it but here we are four weeks later and we are barely talking past pleasantries.

I am going to pee my pants but I was hoping to wrap up this blog post before I went pee and well, that just isn’t going to happen.

Ok, much better.

I have decided that I am going to do a little updating on my room decor. I’ve decided that I am going to ditch the primary colors and go for a Tiffany blue and gray. I still want to have splashes of silver. Oh! Maybe a little white here and there. I think that it will be a good change. Things have been the same in my room for a year now and it will feel good to do something different.

I have been spending more time in my room because I like to lay down or at least just be in my bed while I’m reading and that’s been more and more recently. I also need to get a new blanket and some new pillows. It’s definitely time for an update.

I may also move my room around. I’m not so sure about that though. I should say that I’d like to move my room around but it’s not very big and I’m not sure what kind of options that I have.

I may push my bed up against the wall. Right now the head is against the wall but the rest of the bed is in the middle of the room. I really liked it for a long time but now I’m thinking that it’s time for a change. I’m going to play around with it a little and see what I can come up with. I’d love to have a chair or something in there to sit in and read but I don’t know how I would swing that.

Oh! Maybe a bean bag!?

I also want to find a new window treatment for the large window in my living room. I really like what’s up there now and I would consider moving it into my bedroom, although it’s not going to match the theme that I am going for.

It might be a nice splash of color through during the summertime when I have my curtains open.

This is also what I do when I am manic. I like to change around my atmosphere. I think that every spring since I have lived here, that I’ve changed my bedroom.

But, you know what?!

It’s something that keeps me productive instead of destructive.

Plus, it’s a lot of fun to try and figure out how to reuse, recycle and re purpose things. It’s fun to decorate on a budget.

I downloaded Pinterest again so I’ve been going through my boards and pulling ideas from the things that I have pinned. I have a bedroom board so it’s been a perfect place to find new ideas.

I can’t believe I have to go to bed soon which really means that I’ll probably have a bout of insomnia tonight and not sleep at all!

I can totally see that happening.

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Beach day!

We are heading to the beach today to hang out for the day. I’m going to pack us some food and we will spend as much time on the beach as we can. I am sure we will end up doing a little outlet mall shopping.

I’m excited. I haven’t been to the beach in months and it’ll be cool to get out of town if even for just a few hours.

We have to be back by 6:30 because we want to watch the Blazers game.

This week went by rather quickly. I worked all five days which is what my schedule is now. I have four clients now instead of just the one and my schedule is completely full.

I got dropped from my insurance.

What a fucking bitch.

So, I’ve been searching for insurance and let me tell you what a nightmare it is. I am now going to do some research with my hours and see if it’s better to reduce my hours compared to paying for insurance.

I was supposed to work a couple hours today but I got called off.

I’ve been doing well with the keto diet. I feel better. I posted a question on Instagram asking what happens when you binge on keto. You know while already being fat adapted. Someone answered and said that you don’t start back at day #1 and that’s good news. Sure, I don’t know who this dude is that answered but it’s good enough for me.

I did sort of binge last night. I had a banana and some cereal. I don’t feel any effects of eating more although I am hungry this morning earlier than I usually am but I also didn’t have bulletproof coffee this morning because I am out of butter.

I may venture to the store and get some butter so I can make some coffee before we leave.

That ocean air is going to feel so good.

 

Food baby.

I am having a serious food baby issue right now. My stomach is so bloated with all the junk that I have had this weekend and I can hardly stand it.

Not to mention that I haven’t had my mood stabilizer today so I’m feeling kind of off from that as well.

It’s not that I am purposely not taking my medication. That’s not the case. I don’t have anymore pills and for whatever reason, my insurance denied the prescription and I have to wait until tomorrow to figure it all out.

So stupid.

I think that I told you guys yesterday that I started, When My Heart Joins The Thousand, right? I finished it this morning and it was so, so good. It was written almost poetically and was so descriptive. I love hearing the story from the point of view of someone that is on the spectrum. This is a must read for any fan of a love story.

I started a new book just a little bit ago. The Love Letters of Abelard and Lily by Laura Creedle. It’s cute so far.

Late last night, I was sick of reading and I cued up Netflix and started watching The Real Husbands of Hollywood. I was laughing! I swear that Kevin Hart is so funny. It seems like everyone either loves or hates him. I have a couple friends that can’t stand him and I find that so funny. Those people also seem to hate Will Ferrell.

Or maybe that’s just my friends.

Speaking of friends…. I need to contact my friend, David. I need to see what he’s been doing and see how life is going for him. When I started my second job, we lost contact but I don’t want that relationship to be over. I need to cultivate it.

For sure.

Fight night sure was boring. Well, I guess that it wasn’t boring but being around people who’s mission is to get wasted and puke gets old. And, boring.

I ended up playing some foosball and playing darts. There were other people there that weren’t drinking but it was mostly the girlfriends of the guys that were there and I just don’t get along with women. Especially not women that are half my age and are threatened by my experience.

I’ve actually had women tell me that.

Those women.

ha!

Oh my gosh! Have I told you that my stomach is bulging? It’s so crazy.

Well, I’m off to have a Stoney Sunday and read. The weather can’t decide of whether it’s going to rain or the sun is going to come out but you can read in any weather as far as I am concerned.

Later, I’ll be off to watch WrestleMania.

Yes, I did just say that.

Happy Shatterday.

I slept in a little today despite my dogs best efforts to wake me up. It felt good to finally get a good night of sleep especially after taking a nap yesterday.

As soon as I got up, I went to Starbucks to get a cold brew with heavy cream. It’s a Saturday morning treat that I’ve been having for a couple weekends now. So, so damn good.

As soon as I came back, I had a wake n bake session. I hit some terp sugar by Buddies Brand for shatterday. It’s terpy deliciousness.

I need to hit up the dispensary today and get some more flower and I think that I’m going to try the Select Dabbables. I hope that they have some more left.

I also need to go to the library. I want to get some books for work and also get some for pleasure. I’ve been a young adult fan for a very long time and usually when I go to the library, I just browse in the new young adult section and I’m able to fill up my bag with books.

I’m also going to get pizza.

For fucking sure.

 

Friday night.

So, I did end up taking a nap. I slept for about three and a half hours. It felt really good and I feel quite amazing right now.

Before I took a nap, I went to the store to pick up some lotion and I ended up eating a hamburger and french fries. Oh and a soda. I know, I know. I shouldn’t have done it. I was literally talking this morning about how I was doing and about how my cravings were going.

Remember how I wanted pizza?

I totally fell victim to my own addictions today and I couldn’t even wait to get what I really wanted. Pizza.

Dammit.

Now, I wanna just eat poorly all weekend. Like a binge to end all binges. That makes sense, right?

Because I went and got a Slurpee a little while ago.

I didn’t go tanning today. I honestly can’t decide if I want to go and get a tan or if I want to get a couple new tattoos on Tuesday. Once a month, is Tiny Tattoo Tuesday and one shop here in town charges $30 for an 1 1/2in black tattoo, and it’s only $10 more for another one on the same person.

I have this idea to get small black outlined tattoo’s going up the back of my biceps. I think that it will look cool.

I want to get Harry Potter’s glasses and lightening bolt on one arm and a pineapple on the other.

I have a bunch of ideas for the rest of them but I haven’t really locked anything down. My plan is to go every month until I have my arms done. I think that it’s a really good deal.

I’m thinking about doing a panty sale on my blog. I have so many pairs and I’m thinking about doing a bulk sale to get rid of some of the older pairs and of course, I would never sale the ones that I have gotten as presents. The only thing is is that I usually let my followers pick which ones they want and in the bulk sale, I would just make up some packages with a good mix of styles and fabrics.

I purposely smoked some indica today so that I would fall asleep and it worked. I got a CBD disposable pen from Select Oil and I’ve been smoking it to relax and fall asleep. It’s been working. It’s been working so well, that I stopped taking my sleep medication.

I’ve been watching trashy television for most of the day. Trashy tv is a guilty pleasure of mine. I love it all! From Leave It To Stevie (which I’m watching right now) to Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I know, I know. But, I love it.

I’m trying to get my freakin laptop to cooperate with me and it’s totally being a fucker. I want to lock the zoom in at 100% and I can’t make it work. I need help! Someone help me! I totally type with my hand on the pad and it just makes my screen zoom in and out repeatedly.

I still haven’t gotten my camera out. Well, I got it out and I went over the instruction manual but I haven’t done much else. I’ve taken quite a few pictures on my phone though. I love black and white pictures so much. I would much rather have a black and white than a color picture. There’s more to read.

I’m going to go and kick a little sesh.

Called off.

I called off from work today. I just wasn’t feeling it. I haven’t been sleeping very well since it’s spring and I’m manic. It’s made it so by the time the end of the week rolls around that I just can’t make it.

The only thing that I have planned for today is to take a nap.

Well, and to go tanning.

I think.

I always feel good when I have a nice golden tan. Don’t you?

My mom and I got into a huge fight a couple weeks ago and we’ve barely talked since then. It’s been tough because my mom and I are so close and I enjoy talking with her every day. The reason we are not talking isn’t because either one of us is being stubborn, it’s more like, I’ve made a stand and she has no choice but to oblige and she doesn’t want to do so.

Did I tell you that I haven’t been able to see my nephew in months? It’s not even funny that my brother can post videos of my nephew FaceTiming with his friends but he won’t allow me to FaceTime with him. Well, not without supervision which is how the last video chat went down.

I recently have acquired three new clients. Two of them are adults and one of them is a child and it’s just reminded me how much I love working with children. We haven’t spent that much time together yet, but I can tell that we are already bonding.

One of my other clients is fucking annoying as fuck and I’m not even sure how long I will keep him around. We are only supposed to be working together one or two hours a month, but he calls and texts me day and night. It’s always when I’m with other clients too. He calls me about the same thing that he texts me about. It’s so annoying.

And, the last one, well his mother is neurotic. Completely. She’s another control freak, helicopter mom. I already have a client that has one of those so it should be interesting. The thing that’s cool about this client is that we spent some intense hours together right from the start and we really clicked. We got along from jump street and it’s good to be able to spend some time with him. He’s got a great sense of humor!

I’ve been able to stay keto for the entire week and now that the weekend is upon us, I’m already thinking about pizza. Well, I can’t lie, I’ve been thinking about pizza all week.

I want to binge so bad but I’m not going to do it. I’m going to try and just add more fat to curb those cravings. I know that with time, my body will adjust and those craving won’t be as strong. I think that realistically for me that I will always have an addiction to food. I like to eat.

I attended a webinar last night on the keto diet and specially it was targeted for women. It gave me some great insight about how to modify the diet to fit me and my body. That it’s not just a one size fit all. And, I also learned that you don’t have to beat yourself up by trying to be so strict. If your body does well with a few carbs, then have them.

That doesn’t mean french fries or a baguette. That means carbs that are in vegetables and other keto friendly snacks.

I have so many white hairs on my head! It’s wild. My hair is black and so they show up really well. I got my hair cut a couple weeks ago and I talked with the barber about doing highlights or coloring my hair. I’ve never done an all-over color. I’ve just done highlights. I think that having an all-over color would be nice. It would be more low maintenance compared to getting highlights which I totally sucked at maintaining.

I have been putting bone broth collagen into my green drink every day and it’s been making my stomach cramp. I’m not sure if it’s a side effect of adding this to your diet and that it’s something that will go away…. or if it’s something that just effects my body in this way. I should look that up.

Be right back.

Ok, so I couldn’t really find much beyond gelatin bothering some people’s belly. I posted in the Answers section on Yahoo. I hope that I get some legit answers.

Well, me and my stomach cramps are going to go and get high and hopefully pass the fuck out for a few hours.

puff, puff, pass.

I fell off the wagon.

Yup, it’s true.

I fell off the wagon. One minute I am returning a RedBox movie and the next minute I am chugging a Big Gulp and eating cupcakes.

No, I’m not joking.

Funny how hours before I said that I was going strong on the keto diet.

Dammit.

I almost made it through the weekend. Through a whole week. I made it through a freakin Saturday.

Then…. BOOM.

Game over.

Well, I do have more lives….