Karate chop to the throat!

I kicked that colds ass!

I took two days off of work, slammed water and tried to sleep as much as possible, taking naps for at least three hours each day. I also made some homemade chicken noodle soup that I made with a whole lot of garlic and also some turmeric. I also used the Neti Pot when I could.

And, then there’s the Sunny D….

Today, when I woke up, my sinuses were clear. My chest felt a little heavy but that wore off as the day progressed. My headache has gone away and I do have a cough but smoking weed doesn’t help that heal.

And, this girl needs her weed.



Bow wow wow.

I am sick as a dog.

And, I hate it.

Sure, it’s nice to stay home. Especially when the rain has been pouring down since last night. Down pours always make me want to be cozy at home.

But, I have the runny nose! The cough! The headache!

I’m making homemade chicken noodle soup and I’ve taken vitamin c, zinc and hella water.

I need sleep. And, water.

I’m gonna beat this shit.

Your Pink stinks.

At my second job, I work retail.

While I am at my job, I see lots of women wearing Pink hoodies and sweats.

I’m talking about big girls.

Like big girls.

I know for a fact that Pink only makes an XL on some of their clothing and there is no way that these women could be wearing authentic Pink gear.

Which leads to the question…..

Where the heck is the swap meet?

Spank that ass.

I basically quit going to Spanish class because I’m not really learning a damn thing. This whole immersion way of learning where the teachers only speak Spanish in class and you’re supposed to figure out what they’re saying by the hand gestures they make and the context.

How do I know what the fucking context is when I don’t even fucking understand Spanish?!

I also haven’t been going to my sewing class on Tuesday afternoons. I am almost done with making my skirt but I just haven’t felt like going.

This is what happens.

I’m all manic and I fill my schedule with things and then the mania goes away and I have no desire to do these things anymore.


I quit my part-time job. Well, I gave notice that I was resigning at the end of the month. They seemed really sad to see me go and I’ve talked with few managers and co-workers that can’t believe that I am going.

It’s time.

I’m exhausted from working five nights a week, not getting home until 12:30am and then having to wake up at 5:30am. It’s just not working for me anymore.

Especially with my mania gone.

Plus, I thought that I was going to pick up another client and that I would work with the new client on Monday and Tuesdays when I’m not with my primary client.

But, my stupid fucking union won’t let me work more than 40 hours in a week so that’s fucking stupid.

It looks like I may not be able to take on another client since I work 33 hours with my primary client and the new client needs at least 16 hours a week.

I don’t know if I’ll have to get another part-time job, or maybe just work for the new client one day a week. I am not sure.

All I do know, is that I am not working in the evenings every fucking day of the week. I’m so tired of not being home in the evenings.

My support group got suspended because the facilitator that took over when I got burned out of facilitating, basically blew the group up. He did whatever he could to ruin the group, the members and also alienate the facility where we hold the support group.

I’m so disgusted with this damn asshat.

The Ducks have a bye this week and I’m actually happy about it. I can’t wait to have a Saturday where the only thing I have to do is eat pizza and take a carb induced nap.

R is doing very well. He started dating this guy and things seem to be going great for them! They’re still kind of a new thing so it’s all magical but I seriously hope that it stays that way.

It really couldn’t have came at a better time with me getting a new boy and J having a fucking cow.


J still wants to date other people but he’s still having this internal war about “cheating” on me with others even though we are in an open relationship and it’s not cheating.

I have told him that we can “break up” or whatever he needs to do to make himself feel better and he says he doesn’t want that either.

I’m not so sure why I have to be involved in his every thought over the matter. It’s annoying as fuck and I’ve told him that and he’s still doing it. It’s like he can’t focus on anything else but this lame situation at hand.

The new boy is having to learn the hard way, through punishments that he’s got to just calm the fuck down. I think that he’s been allowed to orgasm just a couple times since we started dating like almost two months ago.

When he’s on a streak of a couple days of being a good boy, I’ll allow him to stroke while completing my directions. Edging the whole time.

He went out to a bar last weekend to celebrate a friends birthday. The new boy has never had a drink of alcohol or done any type of drug so I knew that he probably wouldn’t have the best time but he’d enjoy hanging out with his friends. I also think that I told you guys that he’s a major recluse so I was so happy that he was actually getting out of the house.

I let it slide that he didn’t ask me for permission to go out. And, I told him that I was letting it slide. I told him to lay out some clothes so that I could decide what he was going to wear and he told me that he didn’t have time. That he had to meet his friend at 10:30pm and it was like 10pm.

I got super fucking pissed off.

That’s not the way that you treat your Mommy.

For his punishment, he recieved loss of contact for 24 hours which I would have made longer but I wanted to yell at him.

For the rest of his punishment, he had to get naked and get on all fours and spank himself with a plastic spatula from the kitchen. He had to attach a suction cup dildo to his headboard and take as much as he could of that fake cock into his mouth and suck as fast as he could go.

I loved hearing him gag and imagining the tears rolling down his face.

I also made him spank himself while he sucked the cock.

I kept asking him to explain why he was being punished and what he could do to not get punished. Over and over, I made him repeat himself.

I was fucking getting high and playing around on my DVR while he was gagging and deep throating this dildo. It was awesome.

The only part that I didn’t enjoy was that afterwards he was upset for disappointing me, embarrassed at the punishment that he received and he needed some serious aftercare.

The punishment was super intense for him and went on for almost an hour and I really wish that I would have been there so that I could have held him tight and reminded him how much that I love and care for him.

He was crying and I tried my hardest to comfort him but I also had a meeting to get to and I couldn’t stay on the phone with him as long as I would have liked to.

I told him to get some chocolate, get in my panties and a Ducks t-shirt that I sent to him and snuggle into his bed.

When I called him after my meeting (20 mins), he was all better and apologetic about what he had done.

Then the other night we were playing on the phone. He was dressed in my panties and had a butt plug in. I was sending him videos and pictures of me wiggling my toes with socks on (his thing) and he kept asking me to do other things. Like he wasn’t satisfied with what I was sending him.

I made him immediately stop stroking and put his penis away.

That’s what you get when you act like a fucking typical internet man and always just want more, more, more.

I was so fucking irritated.

Right now, I am being paid to blog. Like not actually paid for my blog but I am at work and my client fell asleep so I am being paid to be in the house for safety reasons while he sleeps which means just that. I have to just stay here.

Why not blog, right?!

Walk this way.

Please watch the fuck out for pedestrians when you’re driving. Especially in the dark weather.

If you see people waiting on the street corner to cross the street and it’s pouring down rain and you’re in your warm and comfy car, just hold on a fucking minute and let the people cross the street.

That’s what you’re supposed to do because IT’S THE FUCKING LAW!

The Ducks have to win this weekend.


I called into work tonight because I am bleeding so heavily.


Last night was Halloween and I had to work. No big deal though because I’m not a real big fan of the night. I enjoy decorations and the cute costumes but I legit feel like Halloween is just an excuse to behave poorly.

I had to deny the sale of alcohol to a bunch of people that either didn’t have ID or they were visibly intoxicated. I hate to be that party pooper but no one is worth that risk.

The new boy.

Well, as time has passed and we’ve gotten to know each other more, I’ve found out some things about him that are a turn off.

He’s a wimp.

And, a serious recluse.

The bad doesn’t in any way out weigh the good, so…

I’ve decided to go keto.

I started looking at a book that was at my employer’s house and it was all about the keto diet. It’s a high fat, low carb diet.

Yes! I said, high fat and low carb.

I’ve been following the keto path for about four days now and I don’t know if I really feel better, or if I want to feel better…

But, I feel better.

I’ve been starting off the day with a glass of water as soon as I wake up. Then I have bulletproof coffee, which is a very dark roast coffee brewed in a French press and then poured into blender. You add butter and heavy whipping cream and this MCT oil called Brain Octane Oil.

It literally wakes me the fuck up.

Like after getting off of work at midnight and not going to sleep until 3am and then having to get up at 6am…

The bulletproof coffee takes me close to 30 mins to make and that’s a long time to wait for caffeine in the morning but it’s SO worth it.

I had heard of butter in coffee before and thought, “Oh HELL NO!”

But, it’s good. Super good.

When you mix it in a blender or use a Magic Bullet like I do, it turns out very creamy and frothy.


I got off of work early today so I was able to come home and kick back and get high as fuck. I’m currently high as fuck. I took some gravity bong hits and the last one made my ears ring.

I have to go to work tonight but for now I can just enjoy being high.


I think that J and I are going to break up. Not only can he not handle me getting into a long distance relationship with someone new, he’s also fighting within himself.

He wants to date other people like I do, which I’m totally down with. I love free love. He’s known that for all these years and made the choice to not date anyone else.

He feels now that if he dates someone else that he will feel like he’s cheating on me, and he doesn’t want to do that so he said, for now, he’s going to put that on the back burner.

I’m like bye boy.


It doesn’t mean that I am not madly in love with him, because I really am. I have been infatuated with him from the first night I saw him at that party so many years ago.

I don’t want to hold anyone back. I don’t ever want someone to put something on the back burner for me.

I’m not saying that I’m not worth it because I know I am.

I’m just saying that I just want things to flow in my life. I don’t like ill feelings, like resentment or jealousy.

I just want to love, man.


With the best of intentions deep within my heart, I want him to go and explore love out there in the world. He’s such an amazing lover.

In more ways than one…

But, yeah… that’s where J and I are headed.

The trees are starting to look really bare. The streets and sidewalks are littered with leaves of yellow, orange and red. It’s so much fun to go kicking through the dry leaves, listening to how crisp and clean they are. The sound of your sneaker swishing through them.

However, after it has rained, those awesome leaves become a damn death trap. They’re slippery as fuck! And, yes, I almost busted my ass. I totally had to reach out and grab my clients arm.

I was seriously hoping that Redbone by Childish Gambino was Alabama Shakes.




Fuck Suicide

I did another information table a couple weekends ago for ?!?! at the Out of the Darkness – A walk to fight suicide.

My mama came with me this time to show support. I was actually surprised at how much she participated with all the people and how much she knew about ?!?!.

I had no idea.

I had that overwhelming feeling again. You know, the one that hits me in my throat and makes me tear up.

Even though the thousands of people that were there, were gathered because suicide has touched their lives. It was moving to see that many people gathered for the same purpose.

And, it was so damn cold!!! It was 32 degrees and foggy when we arrived to set up the table and it wasn’t much warmer when we left after the walk. My shoes were wet and my toes were frozen and even though I wore these huge winter gloves, my fingers were still cold.

Oh, and I wore boyfriend jeans rolled up.


After we were done with the walk, I suggested this pizza place that has a personal pizza special and we got there at a perfect time because they got slammed as soon as we ordered.

We sat by the fireplace but I swear to you, I still could not get warm.

When lunch was over, I came home, and took off all my clothes and put on sweatpants and a long sleeve and a hoodie.

I blasted the heat.

I think it was a combo of the carbs and the heat but I passed out for like three hours.