I’ve been in a manic episode for about a week now. They have came and gone since I was a teenager but it always gets really bad during the summertime. There’s something those long summer nights that I just love.
Mania for me, means a heightened level of euphoria, minimal sleep, endless energy, grandiose thoughts and questionable decisions.
I feel euphoric most days. I have a truly blessed life and I feel good about it. It makes me feel good.
When I’m manic, those every day feelings of euphoria are magnified by about 200%.
I feel on top of the world. Like nothing can touch me or knock me down. I can accomplish anything and I try and do everything (at once).
Sleep goes out the window! I mean who wants to sleep when you’re feeling amazing and there is so much to do.
The endless energy is always there, too. It’s my ADHD mostly but it also ties back to having a blessed life and being excited about it. When manic, I’m overly excited about it.
My grandiose thoughts come from feeling on top of the world. I don’t think that I’m royalty or anything like that but my already wonderful self esteem shoots through the roof and I do things like share my body (more than usual).
And well, we’ve came to questionable decisions.
For me, it’s all about sex. My hypersexuality basically goes off the charts and even though I have three boyfriends and have sex daily. Good sex.
I still want more.
And, I want stranger sex.
Of course nowadays, it’s so easy to find a stranger on the internet and fuck. Men don’t care. If you’re willing, they’ll be there.
No strings. No exchanging of info. I don’t even have to know their name.
And, right now, you may be saying, that’s dangerous. And, you’re right. It is dangerous.
That’s what I like.
I went to my psychiatrist yesterday and my meds have been adjusted to try and get this mania episode under control.
I love mania!
But, at some point, I’m gonna crash and that’s usually involved being admitted to a psych facility.
I’d like to avoid that. So, I’m going with a med change (and keep taking my meds), weekly meetings with my psychiatrist, and getting back into weekly therapy.
Here we go…