I broke up with him.
The one that moved out of state to finish school.
Distance does not make my heart grow fonder.
But, I’m not going to blame distance.
I stayed with him longer than I should have because he’s been going through so much stuff since relocating. He’s been homesick, depressed, ill…
I didn’t want to add to that.
So, I stayed.
Then one morning, I woke up super early. I made my coffee and went out to the back porch.
I was looking into the dark morning sky and it hit me that it was time to end our romantic and our sexual dynamic.
The sex is so good.
So, as I sat there, deep in my heart, I came to the realization that in the three years we had been together, that I really gave him some good tools to use in situations like this.
He had paid attention and even asked a million questions when I was opening his mind and heart about ways that I found made life more pleasurable.
I’m 41, he’s 22.
I taught him skills to deal with situations just like this. Things that worked for me. Sure, we are two different people but I practice love.
You can use that tool and win every time.
Now, I know you’re probably thinking that I’m contradicting myself. You know, saying that it was time to break up and then saying that I love to love.
Love doesn’t end.
Those that we have loved, should stay with us.
It’s been three days since I ended things and I’ve been taking it pretty hard. I didn’t cry but I do feel devistated.
It’s hard to walk away from a wonderful relationship.
The next day after having the conversation with him, I took a mental health day.
I went to see my therapist and not that I was looking for vindication, she thought that this was a positive move for me.
The rest of the day, I smoked weed and watched random shows on tv.
I took my meds early and crashed.
Upon waking, I felt better.
I went to work and by the time I got off, I knew that I needed some more self care.
I got a large glass of water, put on a Bon Iver record and got into a hot bath. I sat in the dark and stayed in the bath until it was cold.
I got dressed and stretched out in front of the fire place and I think I fell asleep five minutes later.