Heavy heart. 

I broke up with him. 

The one that moved out of state to finish school. 

Distance does not make my heart grow fonder. 

But, I’m not going to blame distance. 

I stayed with him longer than I should have because he’s been going through so much stuff since relocating. He’s been homesick, depressed, ill…

I didn’t want to add to that. 

So, I stayed. 

Then one morning, I woke up super early. I made my coffee and went out to the back porch. 

I was looking into the dark morning sky and it hit me that it was time to end our romantic and our sexual dynamic. 

The sex is so good. 

I digress…

So, as I sat there, deep in my heart, I came to the realization that in the three years we had been together, that I really gave him some good tools to use in situations like this. 

He had paid attention and even asked a million questions when I was opening his mind and heart about ways that I found made life more pleasurable. 

I’m 41, he’s 22. 

I taught him skills to deal with situations just like this. Things that worked for me. Sure, we are two different people but I practice love. 

Pure love. 

You can use that tool and win every time. 

Now, I know you’re probably thinking that I’m contradicting myself. You know, saying that it was time to break up and then saying that I love to love. 

Love doesn’t end. 

Ever. 

It shouldn’t. 

Those that we have loved, should stay with us. 

Always. 

It’s been three days since I ended things and I’ve been taking it pretty hard. I didn’t cry but I do feel devistated. 

It’s hard to walk away from a wonderful relationship. 

The next day after having the conversation with him, I took a mental health day. 

I went to see my therapist and not that I was looking for vindication, she thought that this was a positive move for me. 

The rest of the day, I smoked weed and watched random shows on tv. 

I took my meds early and crashed. 

Upon waking, I felt better. 

I went to work and by the time I got off, I knew that I needed some more self care. 

I got a large glass of water, put on a Bon Iver record and got into a hot bath. I sat in the dark and stayed in the bath until it was cold. 

I got dressed and stretched out in front of the fire place and I think I fell asleep five minutes later. 

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