Fog. 

I live in the Willamette Valley and even in the summertime, it gets foggy.

When I was a child, my brother told me that fog eats your brains.

He said that you always had to wear a hat or ear muffins (brother also said they were called ear muffins, not ear muffs) in the fog.

I’ve been wearing a hat while going out in the fog for over 30 years.

Don’t you do it….

Do. Not. Ask. A. Woman. If. She. Can. Squirt.  

This has got to be the most annoying question that men ask me. 

It’s an INSTANT turn off. 

For the record, every single woman can squirt. It’s just that most don’t know their body well enough for it to happen. 

So, take my advice and keep this question to yourself because chances are that you wouldn’t be able to make her squirt anyways. 

I don’t get the tag line but it made me laugh.

I’ve been reading about four books a week.

New aloe plant.
Looks so good, right?!
Gum for a good cause but they fucked me up with the GMO crap.
Love me some Amazon Prime.
My favorite morning spot.
I saw this on the way home the other day. Deal breaker.
Say it ain’t so…
I do try and answer all my messages.
I got this message from the boy I invited over and stole my panties.
It snowed!!!! It only happens here like once every four years. It was magical.
I’ve been tanning.

Weak in the knees. 

Ryan. 

We have been together for seven years and I can without a doubt say that it’s been a true pleasure and loving experience. 

I met Ryan when he replied to an ad that I placed on Craigslist, looking for an 18 year old guy that was inexperienced sexually. 

We didn’t have much correspondence before we met. But, the immediate physical attraction was breathtaking. 

To this day, I can’t keep my hands off of him. 

Ryan loves me in a way that no one has ever loved me before. He’s selfless and has so much compassion that in his heart, I can do no wrong and he has never judged me for my impulsive actions. 

Four years ago, I let Ryan go. We had been together for three years at that point and he was 21 years old. 

I felt as though it was time for him to go out and experience other men and women, beyond the ones I invited into our bedroom for playtime. 

I wanted him to love. Love more. Love hard. 

He was an excellent lover, great listener, kind, good natured, so intelligent and had the ability to be empathic to even complete strangers. 

(He looked good in my panties, too.)

I wanted other people to experience what I had experienced with him. I wanted other people to be showered in his extraordinary love. 

We didn’t talk for six months. 

Exactly, at the six month date, he came to my front door and said that he bought the house at the end of the block and he was back in my life. 

Forever. 

It was the first bold move that I had ever seen Ryan take against me. 

I’m dominant and he’s submissive. 

It had never happened before. 

I embraced him, feeling him shake a little at my touch, like he always has done (even now).

We fell back into our groove but it was better. Stronger. Engulfed in love. 

Now, seven years later, we are stronger than ever and we have never left that honeymoon stage. 

I see Ryan every single day. He leaves me fresh flowers and fresh cuts of meat from the butcher. We make out, play UNO and he completely submits to me, not only in the bedroom but in our everyday life. 

I know that it sounds so silly but this kid was made for me and we were made to love hard. 
I hope that everyone in this world gets to experience a true unconditional relationship like I have with Ryan. A relationship that makes you better deep within your soul, and also one that feels as wonderful seven years later as it did went we first fell for each other. 

Ryan makes me better. 

Always. 

Heavy heart. 

I broke up with him. 

The one that moved out of state to finish school. 

Distance does not make my heart grow fonder. 

But, I’m not going to blame distance. 

I stayed with him longer than I should have because he’s been going through so much stuff since relocating. He’s been homesick, depressed, ill…

I didn’t want to add to that. 

So, I stayed. 

Then one morning, I woke up super early. I made my coffee and went out to the back porch. 

I was looking into the dark morning sky and it hit me that it was time to end our romantic and our sexual dynamic. 

The sex is so good. 

I digress…

So, as I sat there, deep in my heart, I came to the realization that in the three years we had been together, that I really gave him some good tools to use in situations like this. 

He had paid attention and even asked a million questions when I was opening his mind and heart about ways that I found made life more pleasurable. 

I’m 41, he’s 22. 

I taught him skills to deal with situations just like this. Things that worked for me. Sure, we are two different people but I practice love. 

Pure love. 

You can use that tool and win every time. 

Now, I know you’re probably thinking that I’m contradicting myself. You know, saying that it was time to break up and then saying that I love to love. 

Love doesn’t end. 

Ever. 

It shouldn’t. 

Those that we have loved, should stay with us. 

Always. 

It’s been three days since I ended things and I’ve been taking it pretty hard. I didn’t cry but I do feel devistated. 

It’s hard to walk away from a wonderful relationship. 

The next day after having the conversation with him, I took a mental health day. 

I went to see my therapist and not that I was looking for vindication, she thought that this was a positive move for me. 

The rest of the day, I smoked weed and watched random shows on tv. 

I took my meds early and crashed. 

Upon waking, I felt better. 

I went to work and by the time I got off, I knew that I needed some more self care. 

I got a large glass of water, put on a Bon Iver record and got into a hot bath. I sat in the dark and stayed in the bath until it was cold. 

I got dressed and stretched out in front of the fire place and I think I fell asleep five minutes later.