Happy Easter.

I’m still going strong on the keto diet. I have been following the diet and doing quite well. I went through a weekend without binge eating and I feel like I should buy myself an award.

Like a donut.

Ha!

MapMyFitness is an app that I’ve been using for months to track the walking that I do mostly at work. I also want to know how far I walk when I walk my dog. Today, I was at a local park and it told me that I had done a mile in 2.34 minutes.

What do you think about that?

I wish that I was seeing my nephew today. I haven’t seen him since before Christmas. I still have his Christmas and his birthday presents. Damn shame. I don’t want to only see my nephew on FaceTime. He’s only 60 miles away for fucks sake and I would gladly make the drive every single week.

I’ve been posting on here using my laptop because I deleted the app from my phone. I am going to download it again though because I want to be able to post some pictures that I’ve been taking.

I recently brought out my digital camera and I have yet to use it. I have also been looking at second hand stores for an old 35mm camera. I would love to shoot some black and white photographs. I’ve been taking some on my iPhone and they’ve turned out very well.

It’s spring and I’m manic. Which is the main reason why I have been so great this week at following the keto diet and also why I have had a sudden interest in photography. I got some math books as well, to keep my mind busy.

If I do some proactive things to focus my manic energy on, then I am less likely to have the questionable behavior.

You know….

The hyper sexuality.

The sleeping with complete strangers.

The thrill. The danger.

Oh, and mania is also the reason why I’ve recently been posting on my blog again.

I’ve recently starting dabbing. I thought that I was strictly a flower girl even though I had tried dabs before. I decided to get a portable rig because I didn’t want to deal with a torch. It’s just too intimidating for me. When I’ve done dabs in the past, someone has gotten it all ready for me.

I have smoked shatter and terp sugar so far and I love the terp sugar much more.

The sativa shatters really do get me spinning. I can do about 7 things at the same time. It’s like the effects of Adderall.

I’ve also been experimenting with cbd. I got a disposable pen that is only cbd and it truly puts me to sleep every night. I haven’t used it for any other reason, but I’m sure that it could help with a number of things.

I’m going to get high, chill and watch a movie. Maybe eat something.

Totally keto.

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Give me that protein.

Today, I went back to the doctor for a different appointment and they weighed me again and I had lost 3 pounds.

I did great all day, but took off in the late afternoon to get my haircut and I was gone for a couple hours.

By the time that I got home, I was starving! I started dinner but snacked on a pork chop that I had made this morning.

I cooked this one-pot hamburger dinner from The Keto Diet book and added mushrooms and spinach to the recipe. I had a little of that.

And, then I dipped chicken breast tenders into ranch and then fried them for my salads over the next couple days and I ended up eating two of those.

It’s like I’m binge eating but eating protein instead of something like sugar, which is my usual go-to binge.

Now, I’m stuffed and I feel bad about over eating but also don’t feel as bad because it was good protein. But, then I still feel bad because I over ate.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Oh! And, I got a call back today about my cholesterol and blood sugar labs and the nurse said that they are both elevated and they would like me to try one more time to get those numbers down or else I would have to start taking medications.

I’m not going to take more medications than I am already on and that just means that I really need to do this.

Ok, tomorrow, I need to plan food better. I can’t let myself get into a starvation mode because then I overeat.

Cheers to tomorrow.

Fuck you, Keto!

I’ve been trying to go keto for months now. Like MONTHS.

I’ve failed miserably.

I will go strong for about a week, maybe ten days and lose like eight pounds, start the fat adaptation part of the keto diet and then I binge for two days and I seriously gain it all right back.

In two days!!!!

I have to do it this time. Like have to do it. And, I know that I’ve said this before but this time I really do.

I went to the doctor yesterday for an unrelated reason and the doctor informed me that panels were due for my thyroid and that he wanted to do a cholesterol and blood sugar test. He said that last year, I was borderline for both.

I seriously don’t even remember him telling me that a year ago.

My mom just went through something pretty major and it was a total gut check on my health. I don’t want to have the problems that she’s had. Her health has deteriorated so quickly and I don’t want that for my life.

So, it’s not just wanting to lose weight which is obviously a major reason of why I want to go keto. It’s wanting to change my lifestyle so that I don’t have to be on another medication. It’s also wanting to get off of sugar and my reliance on it. I want it so bad and crave it so bad.

I need to fix that and I’m not sure how. I’ve gone 1 1/2 days now, back on keto and I’m hoping to get to that point where the cravings aren’t as strong. I can make it there, right?

Can I keep it up once I get there?

The problem is that I get to about a week and then I’m like, oh, I made it a week…. I should have a soda. I know it’s going to hurt and start me back at the beginning but I do it anyways.

This is my truth.

I put it out there and now I have to hold myself accountable.

Oh, and I obviously need to blog more.

Karate chop to the throat!

I kicked that colds ass!

I took two days off of work, slammed water and tried to sleep as much as possible, taking naps for at least three hours each day. I also made some homemade chicken noodle soup that I made with a whole lot of garlic and also some turmeric. I also used the Neti Pot when I could.

And, then there’s the Sunny D….

Today, when I woke up, my sinuses were clear. My chest felt a little heavy but that wore off as the day progressed. My headache has gone away and I do have a cough but smoking weed doesn’t help that heal.

And, this girl needs her weed.

 

Bow wow wow.

I am sick as a dog.

And, I hate it.

Sure, it’s nice to stay home. Especially when the rain has been pouring down since last night. Down pours always make me want to be cozy at home.

But, I have the runny nose! The cough! The headache!

I’m making homemade chicken noodle soup and I’ve taken vitamin c, zinc and hella water.

I need sleep. And, water.

I’m gonna beat this shit.

Your Pink stinks.

At my second job, I work retail.

While I am at my job, I see lots of women wearing Pink hoodies and sweats.

I’m talking about big girls.

Like big girls.

I know for a fact that Pink only makes an XL on some of their clothing and there is no way that these women could be wearing authentic Pink gear.

Which leads to the question…..

Where the heck is the swap meet?

Spank that ass.

I basically quit going to Spanish class because I’m not really learning a damn thing. This whole immersion way of learning where the teachers only speak Spanish in class and you’re supposed to figure out what they’re saying by the hand gestures they make and the context.

How do I know what the fucking context is when I don’t even fucking understand Spanish?!

I also haven’t been going to my sewing class on Tuesday afternoons. I am almost done with making my skirt but I just haven’t felt like going.

This is what happens.

I’m all manic and I fill my schedule with things and then the mania goes away and I have no desire to do these things anymore.

Shit.

I quit my part-time job. Well, I gave notice that I was resigning at the end of the month. They seemed really sad to see me go and I’ve talked with few managers and co-workers that can’t believe that I am going.

It’s time.

I’m exhausted from working five nights a week, not getting home until 12:30am and then having to wake up at 5:30am. It’s just not working for me anymore.

Especially with my mania gone.

Plus, I thought that I was going to pick up another client and that I would work with the new client on Monday and Tuesdays when I’m not with my primary client.

But, my stupid fucking union won’t let me work more than 40 hours in a week so that’s fucking stupid.

It looks like I may not be able to take on another client since I work 33 hours with my primary client and the new client needs at least 16 hours a week.

I don’t know if I’ll have to get another part-time job, or maybe just work for the new client one day a week. I am not sure.

All I do know, is that I am not working in the evenings every fucking day of the week. I’m so tired of not being home in the evenings.

My support group got suspended because the facilitator that took over when I got burned out of facilitating, basically blew the group up. He did whatever he could to ruin the group, the members and also alienate the facility where we hold the support group.

I’m so disgusted with this damn asshat.

The Ducks have a bye this week and I’m actually happy about it. I can’t wait to have a Saturday where the only thing I have to do is eat pizza and take a carb induced nap.

R is doing very well. He started dating this guy and things seem to be going great for them! They’re still kind of a new thing so it’s all magical but I seriously hope that it stays that way.

It really couldn’t have came at a better time with me getting a new boy and J having a fucking cow.

Fuck.

J still wants to date other people but he’s still having this internal war about “cheating” on me with others even though we are in an open relationship and it’s not cheating.

I have told him that we can “break up” or whatever he needs to do to make himself feel better and he says he doesn’t want that either.

I’m not so sure why I have to be involved in his every thought over the matter. It’s annoying as fuck and I’ve told him that and he’s still doing it. It’s like he can’t focus on anything else but this lame situation at hand.

The new boy is having to learn the hard way, through punishments that he’s got to just calm the fuck down. I think that he’s been allowed to orgasm just a couple times since we started dating like almost two months ago.

When he’s on a streak of a couple days of being a good boy, I’ll allow him to stroke while completing my directions. Edging the whole time.

He went out to a bar last weekend to celebrate a friends birthday. The new boy has never had a drink of alcohol or done any type of drug so I knew that he probably wouldn’t have the best time but he’d enjoy hanging out with his friends. I also think that I told you guys that he’s a major recluse so I was so happy that he was actually getting out of the house.

I let it slide that he didn’t ask me for permission to go out. And, I told him that I was letting it slide. I told him to lay out some clothes so that I could decide what he was going to wear and he told me that he didn’t have time. That he had to meet his friend at 10:30pm and it was like 10pm.

I got super fucking pissed off.

That’s not the way that you treat your Mommy.

For his punishment, he recieved loss of contact for 24 hours which I would have made longer but I wanted to yell at him.

For the rest of his punishment, he had to get naked and get on all fours and spank himself with a plastic spatula from the kitchen. He had to attach a suction cup dildo to his headboard and take as much as he could of that fake cock into his mouth and suck as fast as he could go.

I loved hearing him gag and imagining the tears rolling down his face.

I also made him spank himself while he sucked the cock.

I kept asking him to explain why he was being punished and what he could do to not get punished. Over and over, I made him repeat himself.

I was fucking getting high and playing around on my DVR while he was gagging and deep throating this dildo. It was awesome.

The only part that I didn’t enjoy was that afterwards he was upset for disappointing me, embarrassed at the punishment that he received and he needed some serious aftercare.

The punishment was super intense for him and went on for almost an hour and I really wish that I would have been there so that I could have held him tight and reminded him how much that I love and care for him.

He was crying and I tried my hardest to comfort him but I also had a meeting to get to and I couldn’t stay on the phone with him as long as I would have liked to.

I told him to get some chocolate, get in my panties and a Ducks t-shirt that I sent to him and snuggle into his bed.

When I called him after my meeting (20 mins), he was all better and apologetic about what he had done.

Then the other night we were playing on the phone. He was dressed in my panties and had a butt plug in. I was sending him videos and pictures of me wiggling my toes with socks on (his thing) and he kept asking me to do other things. Like he wasn’t satisfied with what I was sending him.

I made him immediately stop stroking and put his penis away.

That’s what you get when you act like a fucking typical internet man and always just want more, more, more.

I was so fucking irritated.

Right now, I am being paid to blog. Like not actually paid for my blog but I am at work and my client fell asleep so I am being paid to be in the house for safety reasons while he sleeps which means just that. I have to just stay here.

Why not blog, right?!